Why Do I Get Annoyed So Easily

I feel like random people coming up to talk to me in the office is the most frustrating and annoying thing. Like why? You don’t have any work with me, so why do you want to know if I had lunch or not?

I just absolutely hate having lunch with non-friends in the office, most of all my own team. Because no matter how good your interpersonal relationship is, I don’t want to talk about work when I’m trying to have food. It’s called a break for a reason - a break from work, work-related things, and people.

And then there is the most incorrigible category of guys who just can’t take a hint. Why are you so interested in knowing about my work, especially when I’m showing zero interest in sharing that with you, or sharing anything with you for that matter? It feels like a crime being nice to guys, honestly. They automatically take that as interest. Like, I’m sorry for talking to you nicely that one day. But just please leave me alone.

Now I’ve kind of gotten brutal though. Earlier, I used to be nice to these guys till the day I finally left that job. But this time, I managed to send the message across in just three forced encounters.

You don’t have any obligation to be nice to people who are making you uncomfortable.

I think women need to apply that more often. We face and endure uncomfortable situations so many times. It could be as harmless as a relative or a friend passing a misogynistic or derogatory remark, and for the sake of keeping peace and maintaining harmony, you laugh it off or smile along. But I’m done with that shit.

If someone is passing unsolicited remarks about my acne marks or weight changes, I have no responsibility to make them feel validated. You had no business being so snarky, so now suffer the consequence. Sometimes the rebuttal could be as simple as a poker face, even that’s better than anything encouraging.

So this time, when the insufferable guy came up to me during lunch, I straight-out ignored him. No hi, no hello. I reclaimed my time and space. Some people don’t understand subtlety - in fact, most people don’t. But here’s the thing, I would still treat people with compassion and affection until the time it’s not making me uncomfortable. If that line is breached, then your feelings are no longer my burden.

It’s starting to dawn on me that most workplaces are inherently male. The culture is male, the preference is male, and there is no space for women emotionally.

To be successful in corporate, you have to act with personas typically associated with men. And since these traits are in such contrast with what is associated with women, a woman who inculcates these to build her career is eventually labelled “difficult”.

I admit, there have been occasions where I’ve been wary of working with women leads, worried they would be capricious or unreasonable with their demands. Even though I routinely encounter these behaviours from my male managers, but I don’t seem to mind that. I file that under unique character traits that come with having so many responsibilities.

But can a man seriously have more responsibilities than a working mother of two? I think not. Especially not in a society like ours where, even as a CEO, you are expected to keep your head low and be the perfect, ever-present, pleasing mother, wife, and daughter-in-law.

This perception change won’t come in a day. But the first step is to recognise the flaws in our judgement, and that is what I’m trying to do through this post I guess. Maybe I should start seeing a manager for who they are in their role, instead of letting their gender or my expectations color the way I view them.

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Today’s craving: Plain old lemonade 🍋